BERMUDA'S CHARTS*

Book Sales 21 to 27 November, 2005

1. Alex in Blunderland - A cautionary tale of young Alex, a naïve and simple young man who drank some seriously strange shit that was offered by a stranger, then started to believe he could run a country.
2. Great Expectations – the electorate must have been drinking from the same bottle.
3. The Liar, the Bitch & the Wardrobe – Kiss & tell expose of the 2003 cabinet Christmas party.
4. Government For Dummies – great if you find yourself in power and don’t know what to do next.
5. Colonel Burch’s Mandolin – Fictional tale of a soldier charming the locals through his music and phone-ins, in spite of him being on the side of the occupying forces.
6. Opposition for Dummies – great if you can’t even beat the dummies in an election.
7. Painting by Numbers – use your creative talents to make beautiful local scenes come alive. Comes with 63 shades of paint for people alone.
8. We Love Cricket – sponsored by government press and cost only $37 million to publish.
9. Machete Maintenance for Beginners
10. Bermudians are from Mars, Ex-Pats are from Venus – a guide to understanding and communicating with each other (Mike & Slowhand should collaborate on this for real).

DVD Rentals 21 to 27 November, 2005

1. Taxi (R, horror/comedy) – getting home from St David’s after dark when American Idol is on TV.
2. Ewart Potter & the Sorcerer’s Throne (PG, Fantasy) – A young magician uses spells and tricks ascend the throne.
3. Independence Day (R, farce) – a look at what happens when a dictatorship runs amok.
4. The Sound of Music (PG, Musical) – The hills are alive with the sound of music – adapted to include 10% Bermudian sounds.
5. White Chicks (15, Comedy) – well, if you made a movie about black chicks it would be racist, wouldn’t it?
6. Clueless (15, Comedy) – Even the hopelessly incompetent can change the way their country is run.
7. Million Dollar Baby (15, Horror) – parents discover how much it will cost to keep their infant in milk supplies in Bermuda.
8. The Mighty Dicks (R, Drama) – how a bunch of sporting losers can be given $11million… and still lose. Against Namibia.
9. Pride & Prejudice (PG, Documentary) – a look at the social issues of a small island in the middle of the ocean.
10. Fifty Finish Dates (15, Slapstick Comedy) – New Berkeley twist on Shakespeare’s A Comedy of Errors (And we all know how much 'P' loves Shakespeare).