When the Broadcasting Standards Confusion (BSC) announced its verdict on Corporal Birch-Twigg’s now infamous “house nigger” outburst, local media were caught unawares by mention of a public apology. Fortunately, though, the folks at Tepid FM are fans of Bermuda Sucks, so they were only too happy to help when we asked for a tape of the contrite Corporal. Here’s the transcript:
(Closing bars of a song). “That was ‘Where Yo’ Bitches At,’ Tepid FM’s tune of the day. Now, speakin’ of bitches, there’s been a lot of whining by those house niggers over at the opposition headquarters about being called house niggers. Like it’s my fault they all want to be white, bye. They’re getting all upset over my use of the word ‘house.’ Anyway, normally I wouldn’t respond to the media with all their plantation questions but clearly they need a language lesson.
“The word ‘house’ is in fact enshrined in literary meaning. Ralph Waldo Emerson said that “A man builds a fine house; and now he has a master, and a task for life; he is to furnish, watch, show it, and keep it in repair, the rest of his days.” And The Animals recorded a song called House of the Rising Sun. As former Manchester United player Eric Cantona once said, "When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think that sardines will be thrown into the sea" I think that clarifies why it is the fault of guest workers, the opposition and all those homosexuals.
“Clearly I am not in any way racist. Sometimes I am going to say things that people don’t like and they are going to jump on that accusation because they know I’m right, they’re not, nah nah nah nah nah, so there.
Now here’s our next song, ‘A Whiter Shade of Pale.’ (muffled noise and some bleeps). Those dumbass voters should go for all that literary crap, eh bye? Not like they’re going to vote for a bunch of people who don’t even WANT to look like me. And at least all this stops them noticing that the only housing we’ve completed is P’s mansion. What? What’s that about the microphone? Its still on? Whaddya mean did I hit the wrong switch? That’s a plantation question.