FRIENDLY SERVICE IN SUPERMARKETPLACE SHOCKER

Expecting the usual surly grocery store service, shopper Michael Brown got more than he bargained for yesterday. The first sign that something was amiss was when, on approaching the register with his mouldy veggies and overpriced apples, the cashier smiled and wished him good morning.

Assuming that the cashier had in fact lost her contact lenses and myopically mistaken him for her aunty, Brown moved closer and waiting for the usual scowling indifference. Imagine his shock when the cashier proceeded to enquire whether he had found everything he needed. Noting the state of the vegetables, the cashier then produced some edible alternatives from a fresh stash that had just been shipped in. "We couldn’t expect you to pay for something mouldy and rotten," she told him, smiling.

Seemingly oblivious to Brown’s discomfort, the cashier packed his purchases herself, taking care to make sure that the heavy items were not crushing the fragile items. She checked that the eggs in the carton were not broken and double-wrapped meat and dairy products. Not content with her performance so far, the cashier informed Brown of the price and asked how he would like to pay. She took his money with another smile and counted out his change, placing it in his hand and asking him if he needed assistance carrying his purchases to the car. The cashier thanked him for shopping in Supermarketplace and wished him a good day.

Stunned onlooker Tamara Smith said, "It was very creepy. The clerk actually said good morning first, she missed all the usual social customs like scowling, spitting and talking to her friends. It was like she was somehow possessed."

Philip Bores, general manager of Supermarketplace, has promised a full investigation into the lapse. "This is not the type of service we train our cashiers to give," he commented. "We pride ourselves on our snarling, rude, incompetent and offensive cashiers. Obviously something went wrong in this case, and the employee in question will be reprimanded. It must surely have been the fault of the customer, he must have been in the wrong," he concluded.

Mr. Brown is said to be recovering at home, and will be undergoing trauma counseling after his disturbing shopping trip. Meantime, the chamber of con-artists is investigating reports that this is not an isolated incident, with rumours of a CableVision customer service employee having answered the phone within five minutes and actually resolved a problem.

Tourism Minister Wart Beige is concerned about the image presented to visitors to Bermuda by this outbreak of service. "We are keen to contain such incidents as quickly as possible and to stamp out any suggestion that our service staff offer service. We must put a stop to it before foreigners think they are welcome here."

In other startling news, HWP has fixed a car at first attempt without causing distress to its owner. The 2003 Toyota Yaris needed a new wiper blade and, in a national first, HWP had one in stock and fitted it correctly without first quoting for something totally different.

Comments

[melissa_cookingdiva]

Great article! Happy New Year from Panama :)

[Cool Jazz Cafe]

Very witty! Would someone please print this out and and tack it on the front door of the nearest Bermuda Supermarket.