NEW GOVERNMENT BAND LEADS THE WAY WITH C-RAP*

Scott & His Crew Have Number 1 In Their Sights

With new rules insisting on 10% Bermudian music content for radio stations, the playlists have been really stretched to avoid repeating a small number of songs. Riding to the rescue, though, is a new Bermudian band – Total C. With the C apparently standing for Cabinet – the band includes all cabinet members – the band expects to get plenty of airplay for their debut single Total C Rap, out this Thursday.

Lead singer P Scottie (the artist formerly known as P) applauded the decision to demand Bermudian radio content. “Otherwise, how would Bermudian singers find their voice and get their message – um um, I mean music – to the masses?” He has defended the content of some of the songs on the band’s eagerly awaited CD. “Smack Yo’ Expat Up, People Who Look Like and Kill the Canuck are not inciting violence, they are using terms coined by great literary heroes like Shakespeare and Tupac. The band all come from the streets and cannot be expected to sound like you.” The band managed to scrape up the $11 million recording and video production costs through a series of car washes and charity cricket games.

Describing themselves as the biggest original sound to hit Bermuda in years, Total C say they will reach out to the underprivileged displaced by the evil expats and rich people who don’t look like them (not of course that it is in any way the fault of the government). They deny that giving themselves 10% of radio airtime is in any way a conflict of interest. “The content of our songs will not be political. Just listen to ‘Put an X in the Box’ from our album and you will know this,” said back up singer Big D-Vent. That e-commerce bloke whose name everyone’s forgotten agreed: “Our songs are better than those by other jurisdictions and bands, and given 3 weeks, you will manage to get enough bandwidth to download the first song.”

Obviously convinced of their success from the beginning, and a long-time fan of the music, Prince Grunting Gibbon said that, “I have been listening to Total C Rap from them for years, and expect to hear a lot more C Rap in the future from P Scottie and his crew. However, we should be biggin’ up Da Opposition, they’re slammin.” It is believed that Da Opposition is another new Bermudian band to hit the scene, and rumour is that they in turn will debut with the catchy number ‘If $4 a Quart of Milk is Right (Then How Can I Be Wrong).’ Their sound is described as middle-of-the-road coma victim meets slaughtered cat.

 

* Obviously, this article is total C-RAP.  Caution: may have been influenced by cheap cocktails!

Comments

[LG]

Bermuda may suck, but the humour is fantastic! :-)