After a summer of immense sporting success on the world stage, its no surprise that Bermuda’s sporting heroes have been inspiring a new generation to tear themselves away from their X-Boxes in favour of bat and ball. The real shock though, says BIBA, is the effect that soaring world rankings are having in the business world. In a shock survey by Shonky Research Ltd, more than 81 percent of high school students said they’d prefer to follow in the footsteps of Shane Warne and Brian Lara (famous cricket types) than to become accountants. With an $11 million sweetener announced by government this week, more and more teenagers see cricket as a lucrative career opportunity.
"Hard though it is to believe, there’s a perception that a position at silly mid-on or in the slips** is more desirable than a position in auditing or management accounting," commented BIBA representative Marcus Dullard. "We can usually count on greed to lure youngsters into even the most mind-numbing and soul-destroying of corporate jobs. Now that cricketers are able to earn similarly stupid amounts, we can’t compete."
Fame is also seen as a motivator: after all, says Dullard, the only famous accountants and CFOs are those ending up in prison.
Antony Robertson, a grade 11 Cedarbridge student, is just one youngster to discard his calculator and spend his study time perfecting the fine art of the googly. "Cricket is almost as dull as accounting," says Antony, "But there are lots of confused and deranged women who find cricketers glamorous. Number crunchers just don’t get the girls."
In a related issue, it has emerged that a number of health problems have emerged among cricket fans. Especially concerning is the apparent link between watching test matches and the early onset of rigor mortis. Doctors are recommending that viewers alternate cricket with something more exciting like watching paint dry or reading the telephone directory to ensure that they don’t die of boredom.
*Yep, completely fabricated (except the bit about boredom)
**These really are cricketing terms apparently.