You heard it here first… The world’s most famous talk show is on the hunt for new guests. After running the popular series for more than a decade, producers are in danger of exhausting the cream of trailer park society in the US. They’ve been scouring other locations for a fresh pool of talent and, after seeing the bleeped-out swear word ratio of posters on BermudaSucks.com, are confident that Bermuda has a great contribution to make.
Sought after criteria include the ability to squeeze an average of at least three swear words per sentence, and being an English speaker is an advantage. For women, a voice like a foghorn would be beneficial, as would the ability to make your booty jiggle when attacking your ace boy’s new be-atch. Willingness to remove random pieces of clothing while proclaiming to the camera that you’re all that. For men, dubious facial hair and the ability to dodge two cat-fighting women who improbably find you attractive is essential, and a whining drawl would also be helpful.
Applicants must be willing to make complete fools of themselves on prime time TV for no remuneration other than a set of Jerry beads. Wardrobe is usually provided by participants, and for women should be no less than two sizes too small. For men, the option is one size too small or three sizes too large.
Anyone interested should send their details to [email protected]
*Lies, all lies… but wouldn’t it be great?